Store Policies

Privacy Policy
We won’t share your name, email address, payment information, purchase history, sexual history, or anything else personal with anyone. Ever. We care deeply and strongly about confidentiality.

We appreciate that you trust us enough to share your most intimate questions and desires. Whether you’re asking for advice on how to use a toy, sharing a break up story, or have ordered a large dildo, you can be confident that we won’t share your story with anybody. Your privacy is important to us. In fact, we included it as a value in our code of ethics.

We are very selective about the items we carry.
We do everything possible to help you select a toy that you will enjoy. We only stock toys that are designed well and that ‘work’ in the ways that they’re supposed to. We do our best to describe items in as much detail as possible, and provide photos so you know what you’re going to receive. If you have any questions before your purchase please call us and we’ll be happy to help make choices easier. We also suggest gift cards so that your loved one can select exactly what they desire.

Return Policy

We accept exchanges for defective products within 15 days of purchase.
We don’t take returns (for obvious reasons.) Satisfaction is up to you. Because of the ‘intimate’ nature of our products we can’t take returns once an item has left the store. Before toys ship to you, we insert batteries and check to make sure that items work properly. If your toy breaks within the first 15 days you can send it back to us for a replacement. If your toy does not work within 15 days of purchase please call or email us and we’ll give you exchange authorization and instructions. This policy is a very good excuse to use your toy a lot in the first few weeks to ‘make sure it works and there aren’t any mechanical difficulties.’

Shipping Policies

• We ship our packages in priority mail boxes or other plain packaging.
• The return address label will read: SSLLC, 3904B Central Ave SE, Albuquerque, NM 87108
• There will be no outward reference to the sexy goodness inside the box.
• If we have to declare contents for any shipping reason—your purchase will be appropriately named ‘lotion’ or ‘sporting equipment.’

Billing Policies

• If you charge your purchase to a credit card it will be listed as “Self Serve” on your statement. If anybody sees it they will think that you spent money at a gas station.

Payment Policies

Online we accept: Visa, Mastercard, Discover, American Express and paypal

3 Comments on “Store Policies

  1.  by  Allan Sindelar

    Simply brilliant. Yes! Well thought out privacy policy. And “Strap-on 101” with Hunter is so well presented and so radical. Thank you.

  2.  by  Emily Lewis


    My name is Emily, I heard about your company by a blogger who wrote a review about your service. Does your company offer services to influential Bloggers, Youtubers and Instagrammers to review or for sponsored posts?

    Emily Lewis
    (952) 955-6694
    7204 W. 27th Street, Suite 220, Minneapolis MN 55426

  3.  by  Self Serve

    Hey Emily,

    If you can go ahead and send us an email at we can chat more about what you’re offering up and to see if we can work together. Thank you!

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